Really, you only need two things to get through a zombie apocalypse in one piece.

The zombies themselves aren’t much of a problem. They spend most of their time bumping into things and, quite frankly, they’re a bit of an embarrassment. If you get caught and eaten by a zombie you deserve it. All you need to sort them out is a shovel.

No, it’s the nights you have to worry about. The dark nights that stretch out like a dark stretchy thing. You’ve barricaded yourself in the shopping mall. Shut out, the zombie hordes are embarrassingly bumping into the window of Superdrug. You’ve got food and your shovel. Maybe you’ve given the shovel a name. May I suggest Shovelly?

But what to do for entertainment? There’s no “Cash in the Attic” during the Zombie Apocalypse, though watching daytime TV may make you think that the Zombie Apocalypse has already started. And you’re burning the contents of Waterstones for warmth. Apart from that Justin Bieber biography that you’ve put aside to get you through the dark lonely nights.

Justin understands. Justin takes the pain away. Sweet Justin.

Sorry. What was I writing about?

Zombie Apocalypse Survival. That’s it.

Games. That’s the key to surviving humanity’s darkest days.

In preparation, why not download and keep these handy Zombie Top Trumps cards? The game has been designed by top level experts in the undead* to accurately reflect the zombies’ available skill set.

Print out as many cards as you like. The game is guaranteed to last forever with no winner emerging, thus act as a metaphor for the futility of your existence.

Download The Full Set:

Zombie Top Trumps

*A bunch of guys with some beer and a DVD of ‘Dawn of the Dead’